Can I just tell you that my wedding was awesome...because it totally was. It was fun. It was quirky and it was perfect to me and the hubby (we're the only ones that matter in that equation anyways!).
My step mom and her mom (my step-grandma??) decorated the whole thing...for super cheap. I've got a girlfriend who is a florist, all the flowers for $100. I got my dress, gorgeous, for $250 from David's Bridal. The venue, free. The bubble wrap?? FREE from the BEST VENDOR EVER.
When people walked in the door, they walked into the wedding on bubble wrap. When I walked down the aisle...yep, bubble wrap (in heels, and I didn't fall!). When we exchanged rings...ring pops! They didn't fit, but it was way fun. The food was amazing, my husband cooked most of it himself and we had a little help from my mom and one of her friends. A girlfriend from high school made our cake...it looked just like the top of my dress...and was the best tasting cake I can think of.
Did I mention we had a mascot? We did! His name was Jorge...he went on the honeymoon with us too!
There is this awful grief that I've been carrying around...it's heavy and ugly and burdensome. I lost my best friend, my person, the one I turned to when I struggle. She didn't die...but our friendship did. There is no repair for what happened, there's no amount of time that will pass that will fix this. No bandaid to make things better. The realization of that part of it was hard to accept. Her not being a part of my life was something I never thought I'd have to deal with. I've never grieved the loss of someone who is alive and well. It's completely foreign. And I didn't just lose HER out of this, but her family as well. People who I loved and cared for...gone right along with her.
They say ( I don't know who THEY are...) there are seven stages to grief.
The first is shock or disbelief. I've definitely been through this stage. This is the part where you're constantly asking yourself, "Is this real? This is my life? Are you…
It's been so long since I posted anything...I don't even know where to start. Life is crazy, hectic, upside down for me right now. I'm hoping to start blogging again for ME. To help me get things out of my brain and down onto the screen? ( I wanted to say on to paper...but that doesn't work here...) Maybe getting things out will help me to process. I don't feel like I'm ready...but this tiny post is a step in the right direction.