I think I'm ready for a change...pretty much a word vomit.
I don't know what my issue has been lately. I feel like maybe I could just write everything and everyone off and just run away. It's just something I can't shake. I get so, so tired of pasting a smile on my face and pretending everything is okay. It's not. One thing I know for sure is that the wrong thing to do is run away. I'm tired of being the only responsible person in my family. I feel like I'm constantly parenting my parents and my siblings. I'm tired of being the only one who tries in these relationships. I'm frustrated because I feel like every one has this expectation of me, that I'm supposed to be the one who cleans every thing up. I'm tired of picking up everyone else's pieces. I'm tired of putting everyone before myself. My relationship with my mom, my brother and my sister has failed. That's damn hard to accept. It's even harder not to run to their rescue as they're failing. I have two options in this situation...I can choose to be upset/sad or I can choose to be angry. Unfortunately, I think I've chosen the angry side. Maybe it's easier to be angry than weepy? I don't know. I know that this whole thing is affecting my work, my friends and my home. I need to shake it...I just wish it was that easy. Aaaaaaannnnnnnnnddddddd...I think that's enough word vomit for the day.