Just One Grain

Man! This summer flew by...just a few short weeks until the kid is back in school and the craziness of the school year begins. School - for all three of us! Sports for the boy child and work for me and the hubs too...Busy is good though. Not a lot of down time to sit and dwell on things - just keep going, one foot in front of the other.

Whoa - over two years since I've posted anything...and what a whirlwind it's been...mother in law moved in with us, bought a house, and changed jobs! It's been a busy, busy, busy season of life. I can't say that I will keep up with regularly posting, but I'd like to say I'll try to post more often. I'm not sure that I have "good content" to share, but I still feel like this is a good place to dump my brain every now and then...we'll see what happens :)

Have you even been just tired. Like more than sleepy tired. More than, "I've been working weeks on end of over time" tired...but like soul tired? I keep asking myself, what did I do to deserve any of this mess that seems to surround me? I try so hard to be a good person. I believe in karma. I believe in paying it forward. I believe and practice in random acts of kindness. I try to practice building people up, and avoiding bringing people down. And yet, here I am. Easily at the lowest point in my life that I've ever been in. I'm so tired of people telling me that I'll come out of this season okay. That there is a light at the end of the tunnel. That God must be trying me because there is something so much better at the end. I can't see the end, I can't see the prize and I sure as hell don't feel fine. I'm just wholly tired. Soul tired. I'm tired of not sleeping, pretending to be okay and losing my mind...I just want a break.

I was hoping to come here and post more often... In an effort to get things off my chest...to make myself feel better... But then I come here, and stare at the blank page and that damned blinking cursor. I can't seem to find the words to type....the titles of what to post. Anything. I can't seem to find anything. The struggle is real.

    There is this awful grief that I've been carrying around...it's heavy and ugly and burdensome. I lost my best friend, my person, the one I turned to when I struggle. She didn't die...but our friendship did. There is no repair for what happened, there's no amount of time that will pass that will fix this. No bandaid to make things better. The realization of that part of it was hard to accept. Her not being a part of my life was something I never thought I'd have to deal with. I've never grieved the loss of someone who is alive and well. It's completely foreign. And I didn't just lose HER out of this, but her family as well. People who I loved and cared for...gone right along with her.     They say ( I don't know who THEY are...) there are seven stages to grief.       The first is shock or disbelief. I've definitely been through this stage. This is the part where you're constantly asking yourself, "Is this real? This is my life? A...

It's been so long since I posted anything...I don't even know where to start. Life is crazy, hectic, upside down for me right now. I'm hoping to start blogging again for ME. To help me get things out of my brain and down onto the screen? ( I wanted to say on to paper...but that doesn't work here...) Maybe getting things out will help me to process. I don't feel like I'm ready...but this tiny post is a step in the right direction.

I don't know what my issue has been lately. I feel like maybe I could just write everything and everyone off and just run away. It's just something I can't shake. I get so, so tired of pasting a smile on my face and pretending everything is okay. It's not. One thing I know for sure is that the wrong thing to do is run away. I'm tired of being the only responsible person in my family. I feel like I'm constantly parenting my parents and my siblings. I'm tired of being the only one who tries in these relationships. I'm frustrated because I feel like every one has this expectation of me, that I'm supposed to be the one who cleans every thing up. I'm tired of picking up everyone else's pieces. I'm tired of putting everyone before myself. My relationship with my mom, my brother and my sister has failed. That's damn hard to accept. It's even harder not to run to their rescue as they're failing. I have two options in this situation....

I got the opportunity to try out some super hydrating #vaseline lotion from Influenster, for free! All they ask is for me to share my opinion with the world! I was excited to try out this lotion as I had run out of lotion at my desk and was needing to get something new. The person who works beside me can't handle lotions with fragrance, so I was super stoked that this was fragrance free. And it really was. I was a little nervous to try out the Vaseline brand. I thought it was going to either leave my skin sticky or slick. That definitely wasn't the case...this is some of the most hydrating lotion that I've ever used. The soap at work leaves my skin super dry...like so dry that during the winter, with the dry air, my finger tips would start to crack. I'm so grateful that I've found something that leaves my skin smooth, hydrated and crack free!. We ended up purchasing a bottle for at home too. My husband likes to use it on his tattoos, he says it makes them sta...

Every so often, I get the chance to check out new products. I recently got the opportunity from www.Smiley360.com and NesCafe to try a new Coffeemate product (free of charge, only want my opinion!) So I was very interested in trying out this product, because I'm all about coffee. Love the stuff, some days I think it's the only thing that keeps me going. I have to admit, I didn't read the instructions before I tried it out. I thought it was something that I added TO MY COFFEE...but it wasn't. It's something that you use AS coffee. I kept adding and adding thinking that it was going to chill the coffee out. It smelled like hot chocolate and it was delicious. It was even more delicious once I figured out that didn't need coffee...only hot water. This will be the perfect thing to take camping this Summer...all I'll need to do it boil some water and POOF! Coffee...no need to bring grounds, filters, sugar or creamer...this is an all in one product. I'v...

So there is probably about 20-30 blogs that I follow closely...and while I don't "know" these people, I've never met them in real life, I feel like I do know them. I read all the things they post. I have watched their kids grow. And heck, in some cases, I've watched them grow. Then I go to comment on something and sometimes I feel weird about it. I get excited when I read a pregnancy post...but I don't know this woman. But I am genuinely excited to watch her grow and see this baby. I get sad when I see them struggle and I want to reach out and offer support, but who am I to them? I realize that these blogs we have are opportunities to grow relationships with people that you have never, and may never meet. But how do you start those relationships out? How do you reach out without looking and/or feeling like a stalker?!?

1. So, I won some tickets on the radio to attend a Katy Perry concert....boy oh boy, did I feel like I was old and out of place! The first guy that played was wearing this dress/moo-moo thing that had a collar...and leggings. For the life of me I could not figure out what he was thinking when he got dressed before the concert. INSTA-OLD. 2. There came a time in my life where sleeping started to hurt! I'm not sure at what age, all I know is that when I wake up, I sound like a rice crispy (snap, crackle and pop!) and I hurt in places that make no sense. Have you seen the way children can fall asleep?!? and they wake up bouncy and fine! Geesh. 3. I changed my email address to a serious one! No more coolchickypie2001 hahaha... 4. All of my sports hero's have retired...and sports just aren't the same! 5. You know you're getting old when you're talking to your friends and all the stories start with, "remember when..." 6. I've got to scroll to get t...

    So last week...I get a text from my best friend. It simply said "Just so you know, I'd punch someone in the face for you" HA! That's how I know we're really friends :) Unfortunately our schedules haven't allowed for us to spend a whole lot of time together...and her comment kind of came out of left field, but I didn't put too much into it.      I ran into her in the grocery store parking lot later in the week and she says, "I have to tell you something, but you have to promise not to keep asking who said it." Of course, I promised...and she proceeded to tell me, "remember when I texted you and said I'd punch someone in the face for you? Weeeellllll, I just lost a friend just then because of you guys." I questioned what happened and she said that she was talking to someone and they told her, "I'm surprised that you and your husband are friends with them. I just didn't think you were the kind of people to hang ...

Alright, I should start this off by saying that I'm a member of Influenster. They provide me opportunity to try things out and share my opinion with my friends, co workers and anyone else who stops by this ol' blog. That being said, Influenster provided me with a coupon for free cheese and a nifty lunch bag in return for my honest opinion. I am very, very familiar with cheese. Though I am lactose intollerant, cheese doesn't seem to bother my tummy.We've tried just about every type of this Sargento Ultra Thin cheese that we can find. I used my free coupon to pick up the pepper jack variety. It was DELICIOUS, spicy, salty and rich. We made egg salad sandwiches with a slice of pepper jack. Yes, please and may I have another. These often go on sale at my local Fred Meyer...so if you're hesitant to try them (which you shouldn't be!!) wait until they go on sale and then buy one of each!! Thanks Influenster for giving me the opportunity to try them out again!! ...

Alright...I could have sworn that I posted this...but apparently, I didn't. I took 2nd place overall in the biggest loser competition! I lost by less than a percent, but I was down 40 pounds over all. I don't call that a loss, I call that a WIN. It was hard work and I still have a long way to go to be at my goal. This was a heck of a start though :)

Well...we've been at it for 3 months now...eating right, being active, working HARD. There is only one week left in the Biggest Loser competition at work...and I'm proud to say I'm down 40.8 pounds! As of last week, I was in the lead...but only by less than a percent. I know I will need to continue to work hard...not only through next week, but through the next months and years. I am fully aware that this cannot just be a diet...that it needs to be a lifestyle change. I can do things now, at 40 pounds lighter, that I couldn't before. Maybe it would be more accurate to say, that I didn't want to before. 40 pounds is a lot to lug around...but now, I play outside with my kid, which I have sat on the sidelines and watched for far too long. I still have a long ways to go...but I'm getting there!

Hello...anyone out there? Is this thing on?? So I'm two months in to shedding all this extra weight I've got...and I am proud to say that I am down a total of 32.8 pounds! I've been working hard (most of the time...let me be honest.) and it is definetly hard work. It's time to buckle down and work even harder though. I am going to try and start working out two times a day...it's really hard to get up in the morning for me. But I know that if I want to take the competition, and get healthy, I've got to get movin more than I already am. Well...who ever is reading this...thanks for checking in on me :)

So, I've been doing The Biggest Loser at work for a little more than a month now. I'm proud to say that I've lost 21 pounds! I'm in the lead overall, however I seem to have plateaued a little bit. I've got a few tricks up my sleeve though :) I'm going to try some different work out routines this week and see if I can boost my weight loss a little more. There are people who aren't too far behind me so I need to get it in gear! I wish I had taken before pictures so I had something to compare where I started to where I am now. I am down a total of 6 pant sizes though. I went to Costco yesterday and they had Applebottom jeans on sale for $15.99! I bought a pair that are 4 sizes to small. So, that's my next goal-- to be able to fit into those jeans.   I'm gonna keep on keepin on!

Alright...so new year...and I've decided it's time to shed some weight. At work we have started the biggest loser program. The person who loses the largest percentage of body weight over all will wil $10 per percent lost. This dieting thing is no joke! I did without coffee this week because I love my coffee with cream and sugar. I also completely cut out soda...man I miss the bubbles! We switched to salads and Lean Cuisine type meals at least until I can get a hang of the portion size bit of dieting. I have also started being more active. This part is probably the hardest part for me. I've been hesitant to get up and move due to a knee injury...but the weight I have been gaining sure isn't helping my knee...so I started walking briskly 3 times a day for 15 minutes each time, during my breaks and lunch. And I just got a stationary bike and will put it in the living room and ride for at least 30 minutes a day while I watch a show I enjoy... These are all small ste...

I am super late getting this post up...but I'm chalking it up to being super busy at the holiday :) Please forgive me...and it's a sloppy post too. No bueno. But it'll have to do! I was linked up with two people both from the Northwest, one for me to send a box to and one to send a box to me...here's issue number one...during the hustle and bustle of holiday time, I lost the business card of the AWESOME lady who sent me a box :( aaaaannnnndddd I don't have the cord to get the pictures off of my tablet...so I had to poach some pictures of my swag from google images to show you the awesomeness I received:     You see, I'm a Seahawks fan...a big Seahawks fan...so she got me right on the nose with these sweet Seahawks gifts and also some homemade cookies that were immediately opened and eaten by the boys in the house.   I was linked up with Kristin over at KristinPotPie  and I hope she enjoyed her box.   It was really fun to hook up with other l...

My goodness gracious! I'm not sure what happened!! Life got so so busy...and time for blogging went out the window! Lets see, my husband and I coached TWO 5th grade flag football teams again this year. They both went into their 7th game undefeated...what an accomplishment for them, and us! they had to play each other for the very last game of the year, and they tied. I don't think it could have ended any better! Things at work have slowed down a bit, or at least that's what they tell me. I feel like I'm busier than ever! Now we're getting ready for Thanksgiving and then basketball starts for the kid. BUSY BUSY BUSY! I'll try to keep up better, I promise!